We’ve all seen them: those sets of (usually four) cheese spreading knives with the little handles in cute shapes like Santas, animals or foods. “Novelty Cheese Spreaders.”

Most purchasers of them presumably bought them as gifts for others. The recipients, many of whom not sharing the same taste in humorous kitchen tools, promptly or after some years re-gifted them, consigned them, listed them on Ebay, or donated them to a charitable thrift store. And that’s where I come in.

My collection started innocently enough, perhaps in the early 2000s, when in a consignment store I found a set of four spreaders with handles shaped like different fruits. My husband and I used these fairly often (although he put the grape one in the dishwasher once, and I had to re-color it with a purple magic marker – always handwash!).

After a few years, I happened upon four vegetable-shaped ones and thought they would go well with the fruit ones:

Then I found a set with handles shaped like different sorts of cheeses, which I figured would be quite useful, as I often used my spreaders for cheeses:

But then fate led me to a set of little European-looking wine waiters. It was the little waiters that did me in.

For more than a decade, I have not been able to pass by a set of these spreaders (if at thrift or consignment store prices) without purchasing it and adding it to my collection. I now have more than 2,000 spreaders (more than 500 sets of four, plus some singles and some sets missing one or more — as well as more than 50 spreader house sets). I find myself not only searching them out specifically at local consignment stores, but also trolling Ebay for them. Where will this madness end?

And I’ve started thinking about my spreader collection: How best should I store them? Do other people collect them? And does anyone do so systematically as serious collectors, or only randomly accumulating a few? Is it even possible to collect them all? How many different designs exist?

Which leads to more existential questions: Who makes them? How long have they been around? Who exactly came up with the idea of spreaders with little figural handles on them in the first place?

And cultural questions: Why do they seem to be a solely American phenomenon? Is there some unique cultural trait that draws Americans (and mostly American women, I would hazard) to such items, while people from other nations disdain their frivolousness or do not appreciate the humor of their design? (Or could this type of spreader simply not be available in other countries, some vast potential market for them remaining untapped?)

In their defense, novelty spreaders are not wholly frivolous in nature; there is a certain functionality about them. Their short length ensures that they will remain in a small bowl of dip or spread, or upon a small plate holding a soft cheese. And the size of the blade makes them useful for spreading things on small crackers or bits of bread.

However, the utter and completely unnecessary ridiculousness of the handles leads one to the conclusion that their appeal must be largely humorous. And humor, as we all know, is far from universal. What one person finds charmingly silly another may see as unredeemingly stupid and not funny in the least.

But perhaps I am overanalyzing something that needs no analysis. At any rate, my blog may occasionally attempt to answer some of these questions, relate my latest acquisitions, attempt to catalogue the different designs of spreaders that exist and give other information that I discover about collecting cheese spreaders. I hope any readers that exist may find it interesting, enjoyable and perhaps even informative.

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